Perfectionism and Procrastination

Hi, my name is Ellen, and I'm a recovering perfectionist. (All together now) Hi Ellen!

I have always struggled with the belief that if you're going to do something, you should do it well. Even if you've never done it before. My fear of doing something imperfectly often led to procrastinating any attempt. In fact, that's one of the biggest reasons I wanted to write about my experiences of my search for a satisfying and sustainable off-grid life – to assure others, as I wanted to be assured, that mistakes will be made, screw-ups will happen, and it's okay! Not just okay, but fantastic, because we learn more, and more quickly, from our mistakes than our successes. It seemed to me that most books are about the successes, and rarely address the failures encountered en route. Or maybe the failures were discussed and I just didn't notice, being too busy comparing myself to the successes?

Probably the best lesson I learned from the Guild of Metalsmiths back in Minnesota wasn't about blacksmithing at all. It was the concept of the learning curve. The most often cited example is a baby learning to crawl before walking, walking before running. (Except Teresa's son, who knew if he lifted his arms, someone would carry him where he wanted to go. One day Teresa told him he was too heavy to carry anymore. He shrugged and got up and walked instead, skipping the crawling stage entirely!) The Guild had an excellent teaching series, starting with just shaping metal – drawing out points, widening stock, punching holes, and so on. You weren't expected to make anything functional, let alone fancy, just explore the ways of shaping metal. (It was referred to as making scrap, the same way woodworkers make sawdust!) The next class built on those skills to make some basic blacksmithing tools – drawing out a firepoker, widening the end of a handle to attach a water can (used for fire control). Another class taught how to shape a hammer head, punching and shaping the eye hole to fit a wood handle. Now we're into functional but still not fancy. Eventually you gain enough experience, progress along the learning curve, to use these skills to make something that *is* fancy!

Studying college level biology taught me another important concept, that of the experiment. You develop a hypothesis (what you think might happen), design and implement an experiment, then gather and analyze the results. The results may not match your hypothesis of what you thought would happen, but that doesn't make the experiment a failure, quite the contrary. You have gained additional knowledge of what actually happened, and develop a new hypothesis and conduct another experiment based on the information of the previous one.

I have tried to apply the concepts of the learning curve and the experiment to my construction skills as well. Volunteering with Habitat for Humanity gave me a lot of the basic skills. How to hammer effectively, how to assemble a stud wall on the deck, then erect, plumb, and secure the wall upright. I also learned some slightly more advanced skills, such as how to untwist warped lumber, and why put extra studs across kitchen and bathroom walls (nailers for cabinets). Not everything I learned working with a group of people applied to working alone, which led to my own experiments on what would work while working solo or with one friend helping.

I built my first cabin in Southern Indiana and my second here in Maine. Neither one was perfect, but I learned a lot from each of them, both of what works and what doesn't, as well as gaining experience progressing along that learning curve. Those two cabins were my rough drafts, much as my blog posts here are the rough drafts for my (hopefully!) book.

As I get ready to embark on what is intended to be my permanent house, however, my perfectionism is rearing its ugly head again. Can I do this, should I even be trying? What if my floor plan isn't as functional as I believe? What if my insulation, despite having much more of it from the learning experience of the current cabin, is still insufficient? Doubts plague me constantly. But I am determined, and I refuse to allow my perfectionism to cause further procrastination!

Back in the mid-90s, I met a fellow who had a similar dream of an off-grid life. I quizzed him for information, looking for advice as to how I and my then-partner might achieve our similar dreams. This guy kept talking about “when circumstances line up, I'm gonna...” I sat back and looked at him honestly and thought “he's nearly 50 years old and circumstances still haven't lined up yet? I don't think they ever will, he's just allowing life to happen to him, and bemoaning his inability to bring his dream to reality instead of making it happen.” He was procrastinating, waiting for the perfect set of circumstances. It's like the Dear Abbey column where the woman is wondering about pursuing a college degree late in life, lamenting she would be 50 (or whatever age) by the time she graduated. Abbey replied she'd be the same age in that many years anyway!

I guess my point is, things will never align. You have to start from where you are, make mistakes, learn from them, and be willing to make more mistakes. Eventually you'll get the hang of it, whatever 'it' might be for you, or you might decide it's not worth it after all. But I encourage you, don't make that decision without giving it an honest go. Because 5 years from now, you'll still be 5 years older whether you try to follow your dream or not.